Focus

Recently something has been weighing on me.  Maybe it's the birth of Clement and wanting to be fully present for his little life - or maybe I've just actually had more time to sit and think about life {feeding this kid is time consuming} - or maybe both.  But I feel like I've had some realizations.  The past three years in Milwaukee I've felt like things were a little off, like I was missing something in life, and spiritually I felt a little dry and well, vacant.  One day I was on a walk with Clement and was thinking about this and how it was one of my goals when we moved to San Diego to slow down and be more present {love that about moving - it's like hitting a reset button} and how I hadn't really changed all that much, if at all.  I was trying to figure out why I had so much growth and enjoyed Seattle so much and why it felt so different than living in Milwaukee - what happened, basically.  Then all of a sudden it hit me like a load of bricks.  I got my iPhone when we moved to Milwaukee.  I had a TV for the first time since 2004.  Living in Seattle I just had a little flip phone and my living circumstances just never seemed to involve a TV {Netflix on a computer, yes, but even that was still fairly rare as I was out exploring the city - usually on my own, loner that I am}.  I didn't spend half my day browsing Instagram or Facebook or even blogs for that matter.  I had the extra time to journal and just sit and think about life and process.  These days my processing/thinking/journaling/reading are interrupted by the urge to see whats new on Instagram or the latest blog post from all the bloggers I follow.  I used to read book after book.  I haven't read a book {ok, one - the Great Gatsby on vacation in St. Kitts two years ago} since leaving Seattle.  This is really sad.  Life is whizzing by and I'm stuck with my eyes glued to my iPhone or movie after movie {or Kardashian episode after Kardashian episode -it's true}.  I'm not quite sure how to change this.  Really, I think it just comes down to discipline.  To not giving into every single Instagram/Facebook/blog whim.  To saying, "No, be present"  or "No, not until after you read".  I used to wish I would have had Instagram during my days in Seattle -  it was such a unique time in my life.  Early 20s - figuring out who I was and the life God was leading me in - plus that amazing city and my single girl adventures.  It would have been a blast to look back on that and relive it.  But when it comes down to it, I am thankful I didn't have it to distract me while in such a beautiful city and when I was making some pretty big life decisions.  And it seems weird but I remember Seattle so well - the smells, the sounds, the places {I actually had to get around without a GPS, hello Map Quest and tons of getting lost ha}, the coffee and just the beauty of it in general.  I will admit I also think some of it is also attributed to being single.  Once I got married and even more so, now that I have a kid, my attention span to my surroundings isn't near what it used to be.  I'm on other people's time schedules now and not on my own leisurely time.  I wouldn't trade that for the world, but it is funny how these two dudes change my awareness.  Anywho.  All that to say, when Piccadilly contacted me about trying out one of their journals it was like God speaking, basically.  The timing of it was just as I was realizing all this and wanting to spend more time reflecting and being present.  I know that it's not what going to be what it was in my single Seattle days, but I know that I need to learn to be disciplined.  To say no to social media and mindless TV more often than not.  To train my mind to focus on real life - on the lives I'm surrounded by in the flesh.  
This was a bit more deep and lengthy than I usually go, so thanks for humoring me.  And if you have ideas on how to cut down on the social media - lemme know!  Until then - I challenge you to some journaling time - keep me accountable.  And really, these Piccadilly journals are perfect - check 'em out and get one that matches your personality to make it even more fun!
While you're at it, just get a load of this kid... 
{and yes, that stack of books in the background are my husbands, he seems to find time to read...}

2 comments:

  1. Julie, this is exactly how I've been feeling lately! Well, not exactly, I guess, since I haven't moved. But I always thought that when I got pregnant and had a kid that I'd be more disciplined with my personal time. It seems like things have just gotten crazier since we found out we are pregnant bc of all the preparations we've had to do. And I haven't journaled in who knows how long. I miss it! I need to start it back up...especially because I too want to be more present in my child's life! Such a great thought.

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  2. Good post girl. I feel like we're living the same life right now. I've been thinking about how to cut out my phone/netflix/TV time too so that I can be more present and available for both God and others. How did we get sucked in so easily!? Glad our God is merciful and slow to anger.

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Thanks for the love!