Elastic Waists, I'm Sorry's And Rihanna

One trend I'm ridiculously loving is the whole sweatpants/sporty chic look.  Something happened to me during pregnancy {or it could have to do with living in the North for the past 6 years} but I cannot wear pants if it's over 63 degrees.  I get bad leg sweat.  Kinda weird, maybe TMI...  So when I spotted these sweat shorts at Forever 21 the other day, I flipped my lid.  Yes, please.  Something else has happened to me {since leaving Kansas} - I don't love wearing sweats outside of the house, I like to look put together {although I'm getting a little more lax on this stand}.  So to balance out the sweat shorts, I threw on a chambray button-up.  Not a huge 'dress-me-up' step, but it was as much as I could muster.  If we were not on mom duty and actually had somewhere to go that wasn't the beach or a coffee shop or Target I would totally do sweatpants and heels {like THIS}.
 {Shirt J.Crew, Shorts F21, Hat J.Crew, Shoes Vans}

Motherhood has been quite an interesting thing recently.   Well, always, but it's changing - shifting with Clement as he ever so slightly grows up.  Once he hit about 3.5 months things got a bit easier.  I felt like I had it semi-figured out.  He started sleeping consistently through the night.  He loved napping in his carseat so errands and going for runs were no big deal.  He was easy to take any and everywhere.  Then somewhere around 4.5 months he started waking up multiple times in the night.  Being super fussy to downright mad as a hatter in his carseat and so clingy I almost can't even leave him with Kellen let alone a babysitter.  The first few days of this I was so annoyed and frustrated {and honestly still am some days}.  I kept saying "you're fine Clement" and had strings of cuss words running through my head at 2am and again at 4am.  Slowly, I realized he was teething and just becoming more aware of his surroundings in general and needed me close.  After being a very independent woman for 28 and three quarters of a year it's almost maddening sometimes to have accommodate every aspect of my life to someone else {aka avoid the car completely or time it around naps.  EVERYTHING is timed around naps so it seems}.  Basically all this to say, I'm getting sucker punched in the face by realizing how lacking I am in grace and patience and getting a heavy dose of humility.  Because as soon as someone else starts talking about how crabby or hard he is I'm so quick to defend him.  And as soon as I get back into bed after bouncing him back to sleep at 3am I felt so guilty - almost sick to my stomach and near tears - for being so frustrated with him.  Sometimes I almost can't comprehend how much I love this crazy, funny little butterball.  One day, we were driving home and Clement was just nonstop screaming at the top of his lungs and had been for the past 30 minutes {why can't Target be just around the corner!?}.  It felt like I was hitting every.single.stop light.  As I was sitting at the longest light of my life, hands over my ears, tears streaming down my face I actually yell out, "STOP IT".  Not exactly my most bright and shining mom moment.  Once we got home and got him out of the seat and smiling again, I realized I needed to apologize.  Even though he's only 5 months old and has no clue what horrible thing just happened, I really want to go ahead and get into the habit of saying 'I'm sorry' when I'm wrong.  So I told my 5 month old that I was sorry and he smiled at me and buried his head in my chest.  And I started crying again.  Sheesh, motherhood is such a roller coaster of emotions.  You seriously never know what the day will hold.  But I will say, we have discovered {thanks to a visiting friend who was riding in the backseat with Clement} that Rihanna and Kanye's FourFiveSeconds music video is the ONLY thing that will calm him down in the car.  I try to be all supermom and swear I won't use my phone to pacify him BBUUTT  desperate times call for desperate measures...

5 comments:

  1. You are such a good mama! Love reading stuff like this, helps me feel validated in my own feelings!

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  2. I am a new follower, and must say, I really love your style! Also, as a momma of two under two (21 months & 4 months), I can totally relate to your sentiments here! Keep up that great, real posts! You have seriously inspired my wardrobe and I look forward to each new unique outfit you put together.
    -Ashley

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    1. Ashley! You are my hero - Momma of 2 under 2 - holy cow! Thanks so much for the encouragement and following along!

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  3. Oh Julie! Don't feel bad about being frustrated...being a mom is SUPER hard. I was just telling Seth last night how self sacrificing I have to be ALL the time. And yet I still feel guilty sometimes when I get upset with her or when I actually get a few minutes of alone time. But I realized the other day that I DON'T want to feel guilty for being a human and having natural human emotions (like frustration) and I certainly don't want my whole world to be wrapped up in a baby. So I've made myself stop feeling guilty when I get time alone. And I totally agree with the nap thing! I'm seriously excited for the day when I can cart the babe around a little easier without the nagging fear that she'll be sleep deprived if I wake her up. lol!

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  4. ^^^this. All of this. Every day.

    Never knew how much love or frustration or fear or pure joy such a little person could evoke!

    loved reading this. And your tender heart apologizing to the little. And his "forgiveness". Jesus in both of you. Love.

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Thanks for the love!