Sun's Out, Gun's Out

This spring I've been noticing perforated shoes popping up everywhere.  From sandals to booties to sneakers.  So naturally, I had to jump on that train because when you live in a place that has 95 degree heatwaves - any extra air running through your shoes is a total bonus.  That being said, when I spotted these little Dolce Vita sneaks I fell in love.  Their color, 'Citrus'.  Hello, yes.  Back to that 95 degrees...  When ever it's hot, Kellen always says, 'suns out, guns out' and that was what popped in my mind while baring my arms.  Seriously, carrying around a 20 lb baby all day has made me feel pretty confident about show off some arm.  Thank you Clement.  So splurging on this $7.90 tank was the best idea ever.  New. Fave.
{Vest Madewell, Tank F21, Shorts J.Crew (similar), Shoes Dolce Vita, Sunnies Mimi & Red, Earrings Erica Weiner}

I was reading Scary Close the other night after a particularly long and exhausting weekend and Donald Miller happened to bring up why God gave us children.  He says, "He gives them to us for the same reason he confused language at the Tower of Babel, to create chaos and deter us from investing too much energy in the gluttonous idols of self-absorption".  I've noticed the only times I get overly frustrated with Clement are when I really want to be doing what I want to be doing.  On my time schedule, not his.  Saturday I took Clement for a run and 2.5 miles into it he absolutely lost it.  It was hot out, he was hungry and didn't like my sweaty boob.  I was so frustrated because I'd just found the most gorgeous trail and wanted to keep running on that trail and not head back home yet.  Frustrated because he wouldn't just be content with a sweaty boob and to ride along happy as a clam.  So for the next 2.5 miles back to the car the kid wailed like he was being murdered.  I stopped a number of times to pull him out and console him but realized the torture was only going to last longer if I kept that up.  So I ran through a very populated place with a screaming child as fast as I could, just burning up inside that I can't even enjoy my runs any more.  Then Sunday we went to the beach and were surround by all these girls laying out reading their magazines eating their snacks and you wouldn't even believe how jealous I got.  I had a sweaty, fussy baby that wouldn't sit still and soon we were both covered in sand like cinnamon powdered donuts.  Sunday night I read that little bit and it just hit me how much I had been struggling with giving up my self-absorbing ways.  Don't get me wrong, I love that little butterball to death, but I never imagined it would be this hard to let go of my old ways of life.  I want to.  I wish it would just be gone and I'd be 100% in love with this new way of life, but gosh darnit, the struggle is real right now.  Again, that whole grace thing...  I'm so thankful for this process and that I've been entrusted with this amazing little boy.  Thankful that there is grace abounding from above and I'm learning about it on a new level - giving me the best example of how to show it to the little.  And I know this is only making me a better person and mother.  I'm just so thankful he won't remember that traumatic stroller ride and a huffy mama ruining a beach day.  I just pray I can get this under control by the time he can remember those things, ha.  But really... 

1 comment:

  1. Mm, well said and love the transparency! Thanks for putting words to a recent expeience of mine. (seriously when *do* they start laying memories...? ;)


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