Live Colorfully

 One thing living in Southern CA has done for me is really up my color game.  All of a sudden I'm obsessed with it.  Don't get me wrong, I still love a good all-black ensemble, but even our apartment looks like a rainbow exploded and splattered all over it.  When I was packing up my closet to move, I threw this sweater in a box and it landed by these shorts and I immediately thought, "Ooooh that needs to be an outfit".  So thank you moving for a little #OOTD inspiration.  And is it just me or does Clement 100% look like a mini-Kellen here!?  Especially with that colorful henley on...  I could just eat him up.


It's officially been a year since we began our life in San Diego {well, technically in three days}.  So. Crazy.  I feel like the past year has flown, yet dragged by.  I think the addition of Clement and so many changes slowed yet sped things up, if that makes any sense at all.  One of my favorite people on instagram, Lindsay {@herwelshness} posted this quote eons ago {like pre-San Deigo, pre-Clement}: "When we make a change, it's so easy to interpret our unsettleness as unhappiness and our unhappiness as the result of having made the wrong decision.  Our mental and emotional states fluctuate madly when we make big changes in our lives and some days we could tight rope across Manhattan and other days we are too weary to clean our teeth.  This is normal.  This is natural.  Then is change." {Jeanette Winterson}  This pretty much sums up my past year.  When we left Milwaukee we had an amazing friend-base and support system.  Financially, we were totally good to go.  Leaving was hard, yet the excitement of living in a place we both had {separately and together} dreamed of living covered our eyes towards realities like cost of living, downsizing to one income, and having a baby with zero support save the amazing parents-in-laws an hour and a half north.  The first four months - pre-Clement - were blissful.  We lived like we were on vacation - because that's what it felt like living by the beach and still having two incomes.  Then came Clement.  A newborn is a monster of a change in itself.  Then came dropping to just one income.  To not having babysitters just pop by {or offer, since babysitters can't offer much if you only know two people and both of whom are super busy}.  We began to question if we totally jumped the gun.  If we let our selfish desires of living in San Diego trump God's path for us.  We both fade in and out of bad days of sadness of having left such a good thing, anxiety over money, stress over juggling it all {mainly Kellen - work, a baby and an attention-loving wife ha} and great days of being astounded that we live so close to, in my opinion God's best natural creation - the ocean, of hearts bursting with love for this happy little butterball, of thankfulness for God's continual amazing, undeserved provision.  It really has been a roller coaster of a year.  For me, the first year in a new place is the hardest.  Everything is so new and so different and it really does take me a while to adjust, to get a groove going.  It's become obvious that we are in God's will, for a number of reasons, but one that really sticks out the most to me is simply dependency on Him.  In Milwaukee we were good.  It was under control.  Here, we feel so out of control - out of our element.  There's so many things that have changed and our anchor is Him and Him alone.  I was listening to a sermon from our beloved Epikos Church {in MKE} and Pastor Paul talks about not just surviving, but thriving.  Who hasn't heard that term numerous times, but on that day it just really nailed me.  I feel like recently we have just been surviving.  I haven't had the life-giving conversations with friends like I used too, finance stress, moving stress, Clement stress, May Gray and now June Gloom - you name it - so just getting through has been the name of the game.  But I was challenged to thrive.  To be more intentional at how I'm living day-to-day.  To not just get up, feed CK, make my coffee and bagel and sludge through the day, but really start the day out giving thanks.  To be more aware of my mind.  Of the thoughts I think.  On gaining back self-control and discipline {because a having baby will make you justify everything - two coffee shop stops a day - ok, ha}.  To be continuously in prayer and not just zone out or let my mind wander.  Of praying more for Kellen, who really is spearheading our physical survival.  With this challenge came a new anxiety - that I couldn't do it.  I couldn't do all these intentional things I need to do.  Then I read some Oswald Chambers the next day and he was talking about worry and said this: "If your life is hid with Christ in God, He will keep us at ease.  We rob ourselves of the marvelous revelation of this abiding companionship of God.  "God is our refuge" - nothing can come through that shelter."  I won't say that I immediately stopped having that anxiety about well, everything.  But it has been a deliberate, daily new process.  And I know that "this too shall pass" and we'll look back at this crazy first year of California and Clement and be like, whoa, that was nuts, but look what God did.  We already do that about our first year in Milwaukee.  We we so so so broke and freshly married and God was amazing to us.  I know He's not stopping anytime soon.  I have the ocean to remind me of that when I get down and out, praise the Lord.  And now I'm sitting here tearing up because I'm so excited to see how He works and because of His past works.  But I wanted to share this because so many times bloggers come off as only painting the pretty.  So here's the nitty gritty of the one year mark.  But we have this Hope...

2 comments:

  1. i love how real and relatable your blog is! Thank you for reminding us that we have hope in Him, that is something I take for granted sometimes

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  2. Lovely post and pictures full with the beauty of life :)
    xx Katha
    showthestyle.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for the love!