Not So Much


 I've come to a conclusion over the past couple weeks.  I don't think I'm a fashion blogger anymore.  I just don't seem to have that drive {or budget} in me to keep up with all the latest trends.  Keeping up with Clement these days is about all I can handle {holy toledo he's moving like crazy!}.  Do I love a great outfit - heck yes, always will probably.  Will I keep documenting them - sure, maybe a little less frequently, maybe mixed in some other types of things on here.  Because one thing is for sure, I need to blog simply as my creative outlet.  I've also noticed I don't journal nearly as much as I used to and many times, blogging is my form of journaling {I'm telling you guys, sadly, even my handwriting is going down the pooper - I can't even read it anymore}.  So I can't promise the latest and greatest as far as outfits and trends, but I promise to keep it real and post whenever I'm feeling the juices and have time.  Plus I mean, can we please talk about Clement here.  The kid just kills me with his open-mouthed joy {and yes, he is holding a piece of raisin bread, and yes, I know, raisins are a choking hazard... yeesh, get me the mother of the year award already}.
  Oh, but one quick fashion thing - you ever try to build your outfit around something you really, really, really want to wear?  Like maybe these shoes, for example.  Love them.  Put them on.  Then followed the shorts. Then the top.  I'm still not 100% sure I agree with my decision in this pairing aesthetically, but I felt great and comfy in it, so we're going with that. Also, if you don't have a pair of boyfriend denim shorts, you might want to consider that {for sure more church appropriate than my booty shorts, ha}.
   
 Shirt J.Crew, Shorts H&M, Shoes Cotton On, Earrings Kate Spade
CK: Onsie Carters

Recently I've been making more strides in The Meaning Of Marriage by Tim Keller.  The most recent bit I've been reading has been talking about how in reality, you marry like 10 different spouses because of how people change over the years.  This was nothing really new to me, as I've heard that before and can already attest to husband number 2 -borderline number 3 if you count dating.  Then yesterday we were listening to a sermon as we drove back from LA and it was talking about clinging to an idea of how life should be and/or was.  How you can look back at a time and just think, wow, that was the best.  I feel like recently I've been looking back at our Wisconsin chapter thinking about how fresh our marriage was, how easy it was to live life with Kellen and let him hold me up {and spoil the shizzzz out of me}.  Now we're in a different stage of life and I have to share him {and the spoiling} with CK.  How the stress of providing for a family on a single income in crazy expensive California has beaten us up a bit.  Don't get me wrong, life is pretty dang good, but I don't know, we just seemed so young and carefree all of a year and 4 months ago, it's like this child adds an extra element of stress {and sheer joy, don't get me wrong} and it has changed us.  Then, when the sermon was over we started talking about how we'll look back on this time and wish it was still here - Clement just being so fresh and new and fun.  I actually started crying my eyes out talking about sending him to college {that's gonna be rough, I already know it}.  I've been in this crazy nostalgia the past couple weeks thinking about CK's life and how fast it's going and how fast 4 years of marriage has gone.  WHERE IS MY LIFE GOING AND WHY SO FAST!?  I know, I know, this is the 60 year old in me coming out.  I just want to cling to the past, to today, to hold it and stop time and soak up all the goodness of the here and now.  But yet, soak it up tomorrow and in a year, in ten.  This life is so fleeting, I'm realizing, and I just want to hold it and have as many adventures and not worry/stress about the little things.  Just enjoy it all - even the hard times, because you know what, I want to learn to laugh through those too.  And I want to document it because I'm noticing that I'm already forgetting things.  A good college friend just moved to San Diego and we were reminiscing about life and she told a story and I was like, "wait, what are you talking about?".  I genuinely could not remember.  And that's not the first time it's happened.  I'm hoping it's mom-brain, but just in case, I want it all somewhere I can look back on.  Yea, blogging!

7 comments:

  1. 100% agree on the style blogging thing! When I decided to sort of let that part of my blog even out with other topics, it was such a sense of relief. I don't feel the need to document every outfit anymore, and when we do get pictures, I feel like I can take my time snapping and feeling good about what I post! We were on such a role 2 years ago with outfit pictures, but at that time I always felt like what I had wasn't enough. I feel somewhat different now and more content with what I own and wear! p.s. Your writing is awesome and insightful - and that's a huge pull for your blog girl! Keep it up :) Thinking of you!

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  2. how motherhood changes for the better, makes you less selfish, more dependent on God and his grace and asking Him to give you more patience :-)

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  3. I stumbled upon your blog about a year ago, and I just wanted to let you know that I really enjoy it! I am also a new mom and its nice to hear your perspective on life with your little guy!

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    1. Ah thanks for reading along Stephanie!! Congrats on your little one! So great!

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  4. I don't know if it's the fact that we're in such a similar stage of life OR WHAT, but girl, you are reading my thoughts! Motherhood is like the hardest friggin thing in the world but at the same time I just want the clock to stop sometimes so I can soak up these little moments! Everything is just so...bittersweet all the time!

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  5. Very interesting post, hve a nice day...
    hwaaaaaa....so cute baby:)
    Keep in touch from Borneo, Indonesia
    visit Style with Story • | instagram •

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  6. Julie, still remember when Rachel was just weeks old and Jim and I were standing in her nursery as she slept. I ruminated upon how she would look as a two year old, then as a five year old, losing her first tooth, ten year then fourteen year old..... pretty soon I was crying and saying, "she's asking for the car keys, waaaa,waaaa,waaaa" Jim thought I had lost my mind to be sure......#hormoneoverloadanyone

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Thanks for the love!